


EPISODE SEVEN: "Will I?"

by gaypetersimmonds



Series: Skam Brighton: Season Four [8]
Category: Original Work, SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Character of Color, Canon Gay Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Non-Binary Character, Canon Trans Character, Emotional Support Cats, Episode 7, Skam Season 4, also for discussion of pregnancy/mentions of abortion, and for unhealthy relationships with drugs/alcohol and for some mentioned pedophilia, tw for bodily fluid stuff in clip 1, tw for discussion of sexual assault in clip five, welcome to isaac is a mimi marquez stan the screenplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24216013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypetersimmonds/pseuds/gaypetersimmonds
Summary: Brianna Holland has shit sorted. Every part of her is neatly boxed off from the other, from her working class mother, annoyingly perfect step-family, and overwhelming pressure to ace her A-Levels, to her awesome best friends, expertly curated Instagram, and endless hours of drinking that result in random regrettable hook-ups.The ups stay up for all to see, and the downs are covered up. But the different parts of her life are starting to threaten to break down the walls that she’s spent years building up, and if secrets from any side come out, Brianna’s life would be over.As her past keeps coming back to haunt her, and the future gets bleaker every day, she’s going to fight harder than ever to show everyone how goddamn happy she is. Because she is happy. Right?FIRST CLIP: "You Know It's Not Good For You"
Series: Skam Brighton: Season Four [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681366
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	1. CLIP ONE: "You Know It's Not Good For You"

**SATURDAY, MAY 16TH, 10:26**

INT. JOSH’S BEDROOM, JOSH’S HOUSE

_“Interlude III” by Tessa Violet_ plays as we see JOSH lying in his bed. He’s shirtless and the blanket is up to his hips, keeping the rest of him covered. We pan over to BRIANNA, who’s lying on her side next to him. The blanket covers her chest and crotch, but she’s definitely naked underneath.

She blinks awake, her eyes squinted as she stretched her back out. And then she remembers where she is.

Her eyes go back to normal as she inhales sharply. She looks over her shoulder and sees JOSH behind her, safely asleep, and she lets out her breath.

She slowly sits up, trying her best to be quiet, and takes her dress off of the floor, trembling as she pulls it on over her head. She smooths the skirt over her thigh, but finds a dried white substance stuck to her upper thigh. Her mouth falls open, her breath shaky, disgusted, as she stands up, grabbing her bag and shoes, and quickly walks out of the room.

INT. BATHROOM

BRIANNA walks into the bathroom and rolls a wad of toilet paper around her hand, dampening it under the tap. She rubs the substance off of her thigh, trying to look away from it as much as she can, and she throws the toilet paper into the toilet, watching it float for a moment. 

She looks over to the mirror, at her messed up hair, her panda eyes and rubbed raw lips. She looks like a ghost version of herself. She walks over to the sink under the mirror and gathers some water in her hands, splashing it onto her face.

She looks up into the mirror and sees her makeup running down her cheeks and chin, almost like tears, and she just watches herself for a while. Trying to figure out what exactly she’s doing there - in the bathroom, in the house, in her life. She's just so tired.

She takes some more toilet roll and delicately wipes her face down, not taking the makeup off, just making it neater. She takes a brush from the top of a set of drawers, some black curly hair stuck in it, and she brushes her hair out, wincing as she catches a tangle, and another one, and another one.

She tries to pull the brush through the back of her hair, but she can’t pull it all the way down. She tries, pulling hard, but it doesn’t come down. She groans and pulls it out of her hair, yelping with pain.

She puts the brush down, smoothing her hair with her hands, pushing it behind her neck. She looks herself in the eyes. She smiles, not trying hard at all, just trying to get the girl in the mirror to look happy. It doesn’t work.

BRIANNA sighs, letting all pretence fall, and tilts her head at herself. She sighs again, too tired to think about any of this, and turns, walking out of the bathroom.

INT. KITCHEN

BRIANNA sneaks in through a wooden door, hunched to be smaller. The song stops as she turns around to see MILO sitting at the dining table, staring at her, a piece of toast in their hand, confused.

MILO  
Brianna?

BRIANNA puts on a bright smile, trying not to show any of her panic.

BRIANNA  
Milo! Hi.

MILO  
What are you doing here?

BRIANNA  
I… I was just leaving, so…

MILO nods and BRIANNA begins to walk past them, heading towards the door, when MILO turns around to look at her.

MILO  
Are you and Josh dating?

BRIANNA stops still, her spin stiffening.

BRIANNA  
What? No.

MILO  
Okay. It’s just that he kept talking about you at dinner last night, so I thought…

BRIANNA  
You had dinner last night?

MILO looks at her like “obviously”.

MILO  
Uh, yeah? It was his 22nd.

BRIANNA  
Oh, yeah…

MILO looks at her for a moment as she holds onto the kitchen counter, steadying herself as she breathes in and out.

MILO  
You know it’s not good for you, right?

BRIANNA  
What?

MILO  
Seeing him.

She looks at them for a moment, and they shrug.

MILO  
He’s kind of a dick. You deserve better.

BRIANNA nods, forcing herself not to pay too much attention to what they're saying.

BRIANNA  
Okay. Yeah, sure, I was just… Yeah, I’ll see you at school.

MILO nods, turning back to their breakfast.

MILO  
Have a nice weekend, Bree.

BRIANNA nods, smiling tightly.

BRIANNA  
You too.

BRIANNA opens the back door and walks out of it.

EXT. BACK GARDEN, JOSH’S HOUSE

BRIANNA closes the door behind herself and steps down the steps, stumbling ahead a few steps, holding her arms out to steady herself. She sighs and takes her shoes off, holding them in one hand as she walks down the path, quickly, on her tiptoes, wincing at the pain of the stones on her feet. 

She reaches the back gate and wriggles the latch open, pushing the gate open and quickly walking out, bolting the gate locked behind her.


	2. CLIP TWO: "Love You Unconditionally"

**MONDAY, MAY 18TH, 08:53**

EXT. STREET

_“The Ballad of Mona Lisa” by Panic! At The Disco_ plays as BRIANNA walks down the street, a hoodie on with the hood up. She has earbuds in and her bag is hanging off of one of her shoulders. She brushes a strand of hair out of her eyes as she tucks her hoodie back into her shorts, trying to make her depression a fashion statement.

She keeps walking, a slow and steady pace. She stares at a group of girls walking ahead of her, all dressed in BACA school uniforms. She sighs, watching them walk as she once did. When they turn through the gate to the school, BRIANNA follows them.

EXT. ENTRANCE, BACA

BRIANNA walks down the road to the entrance, the girls in front of her heading on their own way, moving to show ESTHER, LIZ and RORI sitting on a bench together, SANDY standing above them, already talking.

BRIANNA takes her earbuds off, the song fading to be barely heard as BRIANNA walks a bit faster, trying to catch up to them. She takes her earbud plug out of her phone, the song completely disappearing as she smiles, trying to act like everything's normal as she reaches the GIRLS.

SANDY  
And so this girl, right, she-- Oh, hi Bree.

BRIANNA nods at her, stopping next to her.

BRIANNA  
What are we talking about?

SANDY smiles, eager to begin her story again.

SANDY  
Well, I was playing my match on Saturday, and it was going well, yeah? So I was running down the pitch, waiting for Sophie to pass to me, when this girl from the other team runs in front of me. This girl is tiny, she’s like, 5 foot nothing, and she trips and falls, flat on her face.

BRIANNA’s eyes widen.

SANDY  
So I bend down and I’m like: “are you okay?”, and she says, still face down, completely emotionless: “I think I broke my arm”.

The rest of the GIRL SQUAD laughs, BRIANNA letting out one breath of air - she knows she should laugh, but it just seems so trivial to now.

LIZ  
Was she okay?

SANDY  
Yeah, her mum was there and took her to the hospital, but the good news is we won the game!

ESTHER whoops, SANDY laughing.

ESTHER  
Honestly, was I bored watching it? Yes. But I did have fun.

LIZ  
I thought it was interesting!

SANDY nods.

SANDY  
It’s okay if you were bored, I don’t like watching it either. Actually doing it’s more fun, you know?

LIZ nods, and she and SANDY turn into their own conversation, RORI turning to listen to them as ESTHER looks up at BRIANNA, an easy smile on her face.

ESTHER  
How are the costumes coming, Bree? No pressure.

BRIANNA nods, her smile uneasy.

BRIANNA  
Oh, um, they’re coming.

ESTHER  
Can I come over today and see?

BRIANNA quickly shakes her head.

BRIANNA  
No. I’ll-- I’ll just send you some pictures.

ESTHER nods as BRIANNA looks down, focusing on her stomach, breathing slowly through her mouth.

ESTHER  
Are you okay? You seem…

ESTHER tilts her head from side to side, unable to find the right word, as BRIANNA nods, laughing to fill the silence as she tries to think of a lie, SANDY and LIZ now quiet.

BRIANNA  
Yeah, I’m just pissed ‘cause I was up late last night.

LIZ looks over at her and laughs along.

LIZ  
What were you doing?

She winks and BRIANNA lets out a noise that could either be a laugh or a sigh.

BRIANNA  
Surprisingly, homework and shit. Which I don’t get off to. Unlike you, nerd.

There’s a laugh all around, BRIANNA trying to smile along, but she’s too tired to forced herself. SANDY takes her phone out of her pocket.

SANDY  
Oh shit, I gotta run. I have this meeting thing with the careers guy.

LIZ nods, standing up and adjusting her already perfect bag straps.

LIZ  
Yeah, we should get going to class anyways.

ESTHER nods, standing too.

ESTHER  
Don’t want to be late.

BRIANNA rolls her eyes at them, trying to be like her old self.

BRIANNA  
Nerds.

ESTHER flips her off, laughing, as she, SANDY and LIZ walk off towards the school, starting a new conversation as BRIANNA watches them go, not sure if she should be going with them or staying.

RORI [O.S.]  
Hey, look at this.

RORI is now standing, and is holding. her phone out to BRIANNA. BRIANNA looks down to see a picture of a black cat stretching out on a pink bed.

BRIANNA  
Is that--

RORI  
It’s Midnight! He loves you!

BRIANNA laughs, delighted by RORI’s bright smile.

RORI  
Whenever I feel sad, I just look at my cat and I feel better.

RORI smiles turns more hopeful than bright, trying to brighten BRIANNA, who just stares 

RORI  
It’s just nice knowing that there’s something out there that’ll love you unconditionally forever and ever. It’s like having a kid that never grows up.

BRIANNA nods, her smile turning sad.

BRIANNA  
Yeah. My cat’s more like an angry old man who happens to be small and furry and likes tuna.

RORI laughs, and BRIANNA does too, quiet but still happy.

RORI  
We should let them meet some day, I think they would like each other.

BRIANNA  
A play date.

RORI  
Exactly!

Both of their laughter trails off, RORI’s phone screen lighting up with a message from NICK: “Hey rori are you at school yet?”. BRIANNA nods at the phone.

BRIANNA  
You should probably take that.

RORI  
Oh.

RORI turns her phone back to her and types a response, BRIANNA looking around awkwardly, watching the other people walking into the school. RORI puts her phone back in her pocket, BRIANNA looking back at her as they’re silent for a moment.

RORI  
We should probably…

BRIANNA  
Yeah.

BRIANNA pulls the other strap of her bag onto her shoulder, looking towards the door.

RORI  
I’ll walk you to class.

BRIANNA looks back at her, quickly shaking her head and nervously laughing.

BRIANNA  
Oh, no, you don’t have to.

RORI  
I want to!

BRIANNA  
Rori, you have drama. It’s on the other side of the building from English.

RORI shrugs.

RORI  
C’est la vie!

BRIANNA’s smile grows wider, as she nods, RORI linking their arms and walking them through the doors, into the school.


	3. CLIP THREE: "Real Angst"

**TUESDAY, MAY 19TH, 16:17**

INT. STAGE, SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE

BRIANNA sits at the front of the stage, legs criss-crossed, with her head tilted, looking tired, as she watches ALISTAIR bouncing on the balls of his feet, moving across the stage.

ALISTAIR  
Okay, so you’re gonna head to stage left after the first chorus, okay?

BRIANNA nods, bored, not really paying attention, as ALISTAIR keeps moving.

ALISTAIR  
And you’re gonna just stay over here for a bit, having some fun, but throughout the second verse, you move downstage so you’re here for the next chorus.

He smiles, turning to her as she nods again, sighing.

ALISTAIR  
And then for the bridge, what we want is for you to sit down at the end of the stage, legs hanging off, and just emote, you know?

BRIANNA nods, and looks over her shoulder to see the CAST standing with LIZ at the piano, some of them staring at ALISTAIR, but RORI's already looking at BRIANNA, and quickly looks away when BRIANNA looks at her. To RORI's left stands JOSH, who's staring down at his script. BRIANNA just stares at him, her eyes empty.

ALISTAIR [O.S.]  
Then you… 

ALISTAIR clears his throat and BRIANNA turns back around, smiling awkwardly.

ALISTAIR  
Come on, you gotta pay attention, this is one of the most important dance numbers of the show.

BRIANNA  
It’s one of the _few_ dance numbers in the show. 

ALISTAIR sighs, hanging his head back. 

BRIANNA  
Besides, I can’t learn a dance sitting down.

ALISTAIR looks back at her and shrugs.

ALISTAIR  
Okay. 

He holds out a hand and BRIANNA rolls her eyes, taking it and standing up.

BRIANNA  
Okay, so what do I do?

ALISTAIR  
Let’s go back to the start, okay?

BRIANNA nods, and they walk up to the top of stage right.

ALISTAIR  
So you have to be ready right here at the end of “Life Support”, so that by the first note of the song, you turn to the audience, big smiles.

He puts on a big, bright smile, and BRIANNA staring blankly at him. ALISTAIR points at his smile and BRIANNA sighs, her eyes dead as she puts on a similar smile.

ALISTAIR  
Come on, Bree, don’t do it, _act_ it.

BRIANNA rolls her eyes, and forces herself to get into the smile, ALISTAIR smiling genuinely.

ALISTAIR  
Thank you. Now I’m gonna put on the song, and you’re just gonna show me what you would do.

BRIANNA’s smile falls, her brow furrowed.

BRIANNA  
What?

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, just vibe with it. 

BRIANNA scoff-laughs, rolling her eyes, and ALISTAIR holds his hands up in defense.

ALISTAIR  
I’ll do it with you if it makes you too embarrassed.

BRIANNA looks away, too proud to admit she would be embarrassed.

BRIANNA  
Ew, no.

ALISTAIR nods, like “fair enough”, and takes his phone out of his pocket, beginning to play _“Out Tonight” by Rosario Dawson_.

BRIANNA puts on the bright smile, beginning to self-consciously walk across to the middle of the stage, awkwardly bouncing from side to side, watching ALISTAIR watch her sceptically.

ALISTAIR  
Come on, you’re too stiff, loosen up.

She goes still.

BRIANNA  
Okay, I’m not doing this.

ALISTAIR pauses the song, sighing.

ALISTAIR  
Okay, I’ll give you some directions, just give me a sec to think how to word it.

BRIANNA blows out a breath, putting a hand on her hip.

BRIANNA  
Some choreographer you are.

ALISTAIR laughs humourlessly.

ALISTAIR  
Fair enough. But the song isn’t about precise, planned movement. It’s meant to be free and wild, like you’re at a party, but the main thing is that you just gotta sell yourself to the audience.

BRIANNA stares at him blankly for a moment, more offended than confused.

BRIANNA  
One: we don’t need any more money, and two: I’m not a product.

ALISTAIR nods.

ALISTAIR  
No, yeah, I know, I didn't mean it literally. It’s just what the song is. It’s Mimi trying to sell herself to Roger - and therefore the audience - because she’s lonely. That’s the whole thing; she’s so deeply lonely and is clearly not in a good place mentally, but the only way she knows how to cope with this is to party and drown her feelings out with drugs.

BRIANNA rolls her eyes, scoffing.

BRIANNA  
It’s a song about her asking a guy to go out with her. It’s not that deep.

ALISTAIR  
That’s what the writer wants people to think, I think it’s showing Mimi in a manic episode, you know, she’s young, she doesn’t know what she’s doing, so she’s spiralling, and she doesn’t contact her family much, we know that, so she--

BRIANNA puts a hand up, annoyed, stopping him as he looks confused and sad.

BRIANNA  
It’s a just a song. Jesus Christ.

ALISTAIR half-laugh half-scoffs, rolling his eyes, BRIANNA rolling her eyes back at him.

ALISTAIR  
Sorry that I’m taking this seriously?

BRIANNA  
In the thing we watched, it was her dancing and having fun _._ It’s a fun song, it’s not… 

ALISTAIR  
It has layers, Bree, this is the first _real_ angst musical. Maybe you could watch the movie version to see...

He awkwardly trails off as BRIANNA sighs, rubbing the back of her neck for a few moments.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, I’m probably reading into it, but that’s what you’re kind of meant to do?

BRIANNA  
It’s…

She sighs, tightening her ponytail, looking over to the piano, where the other member of the CAST are standing. JOSH is staring at her, smiling politely. BRIANNA’s mouth falls slightly open, frozen for a moment, and she looks away, back to ALISTAIR.

ALISTAIR  
Look, if you feel uncomfortable dancing in a certain way, we can totally change it, it’s completely fine.

BRIANNA sighs.

BRIANNA  
It’s… I don’t know. 

ALISTAIR  
Okay, just tell me what you’re thinking and we’ll work it out.

BRIANNA wrinkles her nose, disgusted by the thought.

BRIANNA  
No!

ALISTAIR nods, blowing out air and looking down.

ALISTAIR  
Okay, I feel like this isn’t about the song.

BRIANNA steps closer to him, speaking quieter.

BRIANNA  
It’s about you coming in and telling me what to do. Who do you think you are?

ALISTAIR steps back, laughing nervously.

ALISTAIR  
Bree, we've talked about this a million times, can you please just calm down for a bit?

BRIANNA laughs.

BRIANNA  
Why? You scared?

ALISTAIR  
I’m just trying to do the show, Bree. 

BRIANNA  
No, you’re trying to…

She can’t think of the right word, she waves her hand in the air, trying to think of it as ALISTAIR looks at her, confused.

BRIANNA  
You’re… Fucking _psychoanalysing_ me.

BRIANNA nods, proud of herself for remembering, and ALISTAIR nods, a look on his face clearly saying “what the fuck?”.

ALISTAIR  
I’m interpreting a song written years before you were born.

BRIANNA shakes her head, laughing humourlessly.

BRIANNA  
I’m done.

ALISTAIR  
What?

BRIANNA walks away, down the stage steps back into the audience.

ALISTAIR  
Brianna!

BRIANNA walks down the aisle of the theatre, looking determinedly at the ground in front of her, when she bumps into someone. She looks up, scared, to see SANDY smiling at her, a can of silver paint in her hand.

SANDY  
Hey, what’s up?

BRIANNA sighs, relieved that it’s just SANDY.

BRIANNA  
Just... It's a bad day.

SANDY nods, smiling empathetic, the look in her eyes looking a lot more like pity to BRIANNA.

SANDY  
Do you wanna go get some water?

BRIANNA shrugs, biting her lip.

SANDY  
Yeah, you’ll probably have to do singing stuff in a bit, so…

BRIANNA shakes her head, stiff.

BRIANNA  
I’m just gonna sit down for a bit, my back hurts.

SANDY  
Yeah, I feel that. Can I join?

BRIANNA lets out a breath of a laugh, sounding more like a sigh.

BRIANNA  
Is that even a question?

SANDY smiles, relieved and sits down in the seat behind her, BRIANNA taking the seat next to her, further away from the rest of the CAST. She looks over at them as LIZ keeps explaining to a group of people their harmony, and JOSH is still staring at her, smiling like he might eat her.

BRIANNA sucks her lips in, looking away, taking deep breaths as she stares at her shoes. She stands up, tucking some stray hairs behind her ear.

SANDY  
Where are you going?

BRIANNA  
I don’t feel well, I’m gonna go home.

SANDY  
Oh shit, what’s wrong?

BRIANNA shrugs, breathing faster.

BRIANNA  
Just feeling all sick and shit, probably that-- That food poisoning, I’ll see you later.

She doesn’t wait for the bewildered SANDY to give an answer, and walks very, very quickly towards the door.

ALISTAIR [O.S.]  
Bree!

BRIANNA turns back to look at him looking back at her, confused, the rest of the CAST looking at her. BRIANNA looks at them all, her breathing not slowing, and she quickly walks out of the door.

EXT. SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE

BRIANNA leaves the theatre, her phone buzzing in her pocket. She takes a deep breath, putting her hands in her pockets, and half-walks half-jogs on, ignoring her phone, just trying to get out of there as soon as she can.


	4. CLIP FOUR: "Try"

**WEDNESDAY, MAY 20TH, 18:36**

INT. BRIANNA’S ROOM, BRIANNA’S HOUSE

BRIANNA lies on her bed, earphones in, her phone in her hand, watching “Rent (2005)”, the “ _Out Tonight”_ scene, with the song playing faintly in her earphone. MIMI, on the screen, is dressed very scantily, dancing seductively and enjoying every moment of it.

BRIANNA’s face is blank and bites the skin off of her lip, watching a reflection of herself that she doesn’t want to be. She can remember being like that - free and wild and blissfully ignorant of her own troubles - but at the same time she has no memory of what happened to her.

MIMI takes off the light robe she was wearing, revealing herself in underwear, her body looking impossibly skinny. BRIANNA’s mouth falls slightly open, both with interest, envy, and disgust at how sexualised she is.

As MIMI keeps dancing, BRIANNA keeps staring, feeling like she shouldn’t be watching, but she can’t quite look away. She pauses the video, staring at the blurred image, and plays it again, pausing it as soon as she can, getting a clearer, more perfect image, and she smiles slightly, momentarily satisfied.

She takes a screenshot, going into Instagram and getting the picture up on her story, adding a caption in white text that says:  “rosario dawson in rent is just like    
feminist brain: she’s being objectified, she’s being objectified, she’s being objectified   
wlw brain: hhhhh girl hot”.

She posts it, watching the small circle spin round and round as it loads, and once it posts, she refreshes her story - no one’s viewed it yet. She refreshes it again, still nothing new, when the door opens, AUDREY walking in holding a pile of clothes.

BRIANNA quickly turns her phone off, putting it face down on her bed, delicately ripping her earphones out.

BRIANNA  
Hi Mum.

AUDREY smiles, content, BRIANNA smiling back the same way, practised and not real.

AUDREY  
Hello pet.

AUDREY opens BRIANNA’s wardrobe, BRIANNA watching as she puts the clothes into the wardrobe, knowing exactly where everything should go. She then sits down at the foot of BRIANNA’s bed, BRIANNA sitting up to be on her eye level, pulling the blanket down around her stomach.

AUDREY  
How are you feeling?

BRIANNA  
Good, good, how’s you?

AUDREY nods, tired.

AUDREY  
Aye, fine… 

BRIANNA  
How was work?

AUDREY  
Same old, you know. That wee girl at work, Carly, she honestly has no idea what she’s doing. She’ll always be like “I’m cold, I’m cold”, and no matter how much we turn the heating up, she’s freezing! 

BRIANNA smiles, politely amused.

BRIANNA  
Weird.

AUDREY nods, beginning to laugh at what she’s going to say.

AUDREY  
I told her today, “Carly, love, it might just be the menopause”, and the look on her face!

AUDREY pulls an overdramatic shocked and offended face, and BRIANNA laughs.

AUDREY  
Honestly, she’s barely ten years younger than me but she acts like I’m her mum and I have to fix everything.

BRIANNA smiles at her.

BRIANNA  
Well, you’re a really good mum.

AUDREY scoffs, rolling her eyes self-consciously.

  
  


AUDREY  
Thanks, pet.

BRIANNA  
Best mum I’ve ever had.

AUDREY  
The only mum.

BRIANNA  
Still the best.

AUDREY smiles and takes BRIANNA’s hand, rubbing the back of it with her thumb, BRIANNA smiling down at it 

BRIANNA  
Mum?

AUDREY  
Yeah?

BRIANNA takes a breath, gathering up the courage.

BRIANNA  
Did… Did you always want to be a mum?

AUDREY looks BRIANNA in the eyes, not letting go of her hand.

AUDREY  
That’s… That’s a complicated question. 

BRIANNA nods, understanding now more than ever.

AUDREY

You know I love you, Bree. I love you more than anything.

BRIANNA

I know. I just… We were talking about motherhood and stuff in class, and I was thinking about it, so I wanted to ask you. 

AUDREY nods, trying to think of the right thing to say as BRIANNA watches, hoping to hear the right thing.

AUDREY  
Well… It’s complicated. I love having you, I love taking care of you. When I was a kid, I would take care of your aunts and uncles all the time, being the oldest and all.

BRIANNA looks confused.

BRIANNA  
Isn’t Uncle John older than you?

AUDREY  
Well, yes, but… Well, it’s different for girls. Back then, it was… Anyways, I was seventeen when I found out I was pregnant with you, and my father wasn’t happy about it.

She laughs sadly, BRIANNA nodding along.

AUDREY  
He didn’t speak to me for months. He was… so ashamed, but I couldn’t do anything to fix it. My mum wasn’t all that pleased about it either, but at least she could look me in the eye. And, um, then I married your father. Four months after we met. I… He was a complicated man, but then my father would speak to me again, so… Then I just waited for you to come.

BRIANNA smiles, sad and guilty.

AUDREY  
Honestly, Bree, I thought… I thought I would hate you. But then I just held you in my arms and looked down into your little eyes and… That was it.

AUDREY smiles at BRIANNA, nothing but gentleness, and BRIANNA looks away, not able to handle the full force of her love.

AUDREY  
I just knew that I was always going to love you, no matter what. And-- And we’ve had some hard times, but I’ve always tried to be there, ‘cause that’s all you can do, as a mother. Try. 

BRIANNA nods, looking back at her, as AUDREY squeezes her hand.

AUDREY  
Does that help?

BRIANNA nods, smiling reassuringly.

BRIANNA  
Yeah, yeah, thanks Mum.

AUDREY nods, standing up.

AUDREY  
You’re welcome, flower.

AUDREY heads towards the door and BRIANNA leans forwards, trying to get the words as close to AUDREY as she can.

BRIANNA  
I love you.

AUDREY turns back to her.

AUDREY  
Love you too.

She walks out the door, closing it behind her, and BRIANNA leans her head back, letting out a breath. She licks her lips and glances over at a cup sitting on her desk. She reaches her arm out for it, but she can’t reach.  She sits up properly and leans over, still staying in bed as she takes the cup off of the desk, looking into it and seeing it’s empty. She sighs, exhausted, and puts the cup back, sitting back on the bed.

She looks over at the cup, biting her lip, and looks over at the door. She thinks about getting up, but she can’t bring herself to. There’s something keeping her down, no matter how much she tries to move herself.  Her phone lights up and she quickly looks down at it, seeing a notification from her Instgram messages.

ANNABELL has sent a screenshot of BRIANNA’s story, with the caption: “kiiiiin”. The corners of BRIANNA’s mouth twitch, and she clicks on the typing bar, hovering her thumbs over the keyboard, but she can’t think of anything to say.

She breathes in, her thumb lowering over the H key, but she doesn’t press it. Something inside of her is holding her back from saying something. She turns her phone off and puts it on her desk, lying back down in her bed and staring up at the ceiling, her face devoid of emotion.


	5. CLIP FIVE: "They Forgot I Was A Person"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, this clip contains discussion of sexual assault. if that is a trigger for you, i would recommend you stop reading when brianna says "i already made enough bad decisions", and skip to brianna saying "i know i'm fucked up". stay safe <3

**FRIDAY, MAY 22ND, 21:51**

INT. BRIANNA’S ROOM, BRIANNA’S HOUSE

_"Funeral" by Phoebe Bridgers_ plays as BRIANNA lies on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, her headphones in. She's in the same position and has the same expression as when we last saw her. Her expression doesn't change and she doesn't move, the camera just moves around her.

Her phone buzzes and lights up and she reaches over to see a notification from the GIRL SQUAD group chat - LIZ saying “Guys, what kind of cereal should I eat?”. BRIANNA sighs, too tired to talk about such trivial things, and turns her phone off, putting it back on her desk.

She lies back on her bed, exhaling loudly as her head hits the pillow. She closes her eyes, staying perfectly still, almost dead, but still keeping her face light and beautiful.

Her phone buzzes and lights up again, and she sighs louder, picking it up to see a notification from Tumblr: "New post from alt--arrow, you always loved them!". She inhales sharply, her eyes going wide, and she takes her phone, tapping the notification.

The post on ALASTAIR's blog says: "okay so i know i've been using this blog a lot Less lately, but i had a Big Fight with my sister and i'm gonna go and talk to her about it, wish me luck".

BRIANNA's eyes go wide and she puts her phone back, taking her headphones out, ending the song, as footsteps approach the room. BRIANNA sits up, preparing herself, stretching her back muscles.

There's a knock at the door.

ALISTAIR [O.S.]  
Can I come in?

BRIANNA rolls her eyes to herself, already tired.

BRIANNA  
Yeah.

ALISTAIR comes in and closes the door behind himself, leaning on it with an awkward smile.

ALISTAIR  
I saw the light on. I thought you might be sleeping.

BRIANNA smiles tightly.

BRIANNA  
Nope.

ALISTAIR  
Well, I also thought you went out because the parental units went out.

BRIANNA glares at him. 

BRIANNA  
She's not your parent.

ALISTAIR laughs, trying to elevate the situation.

ALISTAIR  
I mean, legally, she is. 

BRIANNA doesn’t answer, looking away, pissed off.

ALISTAIR  
Okay, sorry. She's your mum first, but she's my step-mum and I really like her.

BRIANNA  
We get it, everything is my fault…

ALISTAIR lets out a breath of a laugh.

ALISTAIR  
Look, Bree, if you're not feeling well in your emotions, you could just watch a sad movie and cry, not… 

BRIANNA  
Be a bitch?

ALISTAIR sighs.

ALISTAIR  
I meant take it out on me.

BRIANNA  
Well, same thing.

ALISTAIR sighs, looking down as BRIANNA tucks some hair behind her ears.

BRIANNA  
God, you judge me so fucking much.

ALISTAIR scoffs.

ALISTAIR  
Don't be ridiculous.

Brianna  
Just 'cause I like to drink and go out and kiss people sometimes--

ALISTAIR  
I don't! I swear, okay? I--

BRIANNA  
You do, you think you're so much better than me, with your _books_ and _piano_ and _£15 Hawaiian shirts_.

ALISTAIR stares at her for a second, his mouth open.

ALISTAIR  
I don’t know what your problem is, but I just wanted to say that I'm worried about you. I'm not the only one who is, but... I don't know, you can talk to me. 

BRIANNA rolls her eyes, sighing quietly.

BRIANNA  
You won’t understand.

ALISTAIR   
I can try.

BRIANNA rolls her eyes, and ALISTAIR lets out a breath, getting ready to go.

ALISTAIR

I’m sorry, you don’t--

BRIANNA

I _need_ this.

ALISTAIR looks at her for a second, as she keeps looking down. She can’t look at him while she says it, and she can’t not say it anymore.

BRIANNA  
I don’t... I also don't want me to be doing what I do, but, like... I need it? Like, I really, really need it.

She taps her temple, slowly looking up.

BRIANNA  
All this, all of fucking this just goes away! With a few drinks, with a few puffs, with a few kisses. It makes everything just… so much lighter. 

ALISTAIR nods, trying to look empathetic, but BRIANNA looks away.

ALISTAIR  
That's not healthy.

BRIANNA scoffs.

BRIANNA  
Thanks, I know. Anyways, neither is locking yourself in your room all the time and only going out when you're forced.

ALISTAIR  
Okay, once again, this is not about me--

BRIANNA  
Oh no, it is, though. Everything's about the brilliant Alistair Fletcher, with his fucking paper white skin and charms and coming in to save the day because everyone's so worried about 

She groans, punching her fists into her mattress, ALISTAIR looking down, his fists clenched.

ALISTAIR  
[trying to stay calm] Please stop.

BRIANNA  
No! You have everything so fucking good, the _second_ something goes wrong for you, there's people running to fix it, and when you do something right, it's all trophies and medals and "wow, Al, you're so great!". What do I get? 

She laughs.

BRIANNA  
I get fucking nothing. Oh, except for when I fuck up, which is when everyone decides to pay attention, like right now!

ALISTAIR  
It's not like that.

BRIANNA  
No, it's like you're not happy with your life being perfect enough, so you come in and you take, take, _take!_ My schools, my friends, my mum!

ALISTAIR half-sighs and half-laughs.

ALISTAIR  
It's not my fault people like me!

BRIANNA  
It’s not people liking you, it’s _my_ people!

ALISTAIR  
You don’t own them!

BRIANNA  
They’re still _mine_.

ALISTAIR lets out a breath.

ALISTAIR  
All I’m doing is making friends at my school, Brianna, that’s not a crime.

BRIANNA  
You didn’t have to come to _my_ school. You didn’t have to take _my_ friends.

ALISTAIR sighs, sick of it, as BRIANNA takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

BRIANNA  
I-- I finally had friends who would hang out with me because they wanted to. Not because it was some assignment or they wanted something from me. They just… They just wanted me. And then you came in and you just give them more than I can. Which is really fucking selfish.

ALISTAIR stays quiet, and BRIANNA shakes her head.

BRIANNA  
You’re just… You’re so unaware of everything that goes on. You have your old friends. Remember them? They still exist, they’re still at the school. The friends who you let harass me on Instagram for _months,_ and then abandoned for no fucking reason!

ALISTAIR suddenly stiffens, going silent for a moment as BRIANNA laughs humourlessly.

BRIANNA  
Hit a nerve?

ALISTAIR  
[quietly] They harassed you?

BRIANNA rolls her eyes, as ALISTAIR takes a shaky breath.

BRIANNA  
You didn't know?

ALISTAIR  
I-- No. Of course not, oh my God, when?

BRIANNA shrugs, looking away, not really able to handle being wrong.

BRIANNA  
Like, this time last year.

ALISTAIR  
Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

BRIANNA  
Yeah, well... 

She shrugs again, avoiding eye contact.

BRIANNA  
It's-- It's not like I care, or anything, it's no big deal.

There's a pause, both of them silent.

ALISTAIR  
What did they do to you?

BRIANNA  
Just some bullying shit. I'm not seven, I'm fine.

ALISTAIR nods, looking quite relieved.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah... But, um, you know it's okay to not be fine, right?

BRIANNA laughs awkwardly, keeping a stiff upper lip, and tries to subtly wipe her eyes as ALISTAIR sighs.

ALISTAIR  
Just... I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry we keep having this fight, and I want to not have it anymore, so talk to me. 

BRIANNA looks at him - he's genuinely so worried for her.

BRIANNA  
I...

She looks away - she can't say it.

BRIANNA  
It's complicated.

ALISTAIR  
I have literally all night, Bree.

He awkwardly laughs as BRIANNA nods, trying to gather up the courage.

BRIANNA  
Just, um... 

She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out - she can't do it.

BRIANNA  
I don't know, forget it.

ALISTAIR sits on the foot of the bed, keeping away from her but still being closer.

ALISTAIR  
You-- You mentioned fucking something up. Does... What does that mean?

BRIANNA shrugs, looking down at herself - the last place left to look.

BRIANNA  
I, um... 

Her eyes go down to her belly - going in and out with each shaky breath. She looks at him, her mouth still open, as she shrugs again, ALISTAIR not looking away from her.

BRIANNA  
I’m… 

She shakes her head, biting her lip - she can’t say it.

ALISTAIR  
What? What are you?

BRIANNA takes a deep breath, preparing herself, and sits up properly, leaning down to reach down the side of her bed. ALISTAIR looks confused as she pulls out a folded up t-shirt. She rubs the sleeves of it for a few moments, before she unfolds it, and shows five positive pregnancy tests.

ALISTAIR looks between the tests and BRIANNA, BRIANNA laughing awkwardly, trying to force a smile as her eyes fill with tears.

BRIANNA  
Surprise...?

ALISTAIR  
Bree…

BRIANNA nods, closing the t-shirt up and putting it back down the side, and ALISTAIR immediately reaches across the bed and hugs her, holding her tightly. She stiffens immediately, completely shocked by it, but then accepts it, hugging him back tightly and letting herself sob into his chest as he strokes her hair delicately. She cries and cries and cries, letting it all out, until she quiets down a bit, taking deep breaths.

ALISTAIR  
Do… Do you know what you want to... do with it?

BRIANNA shakes her head, not moving from ALISTAIR’s arms.

ALISTAIR  
We-- We can get rid of it, we don’t have to tell anyone, I can take you to the doctor and--

BRIANNA pulls away from him, looking up at him.

BRIANNA  
Who said I wanted to get rid of it?

ALISTAIR looks surprised, but tries to hide it.

ALISTAIR  
Oh. Right. Sorry, of course. I mean, I'm gonna be here for you no matter what choice you make. And I'll still take you to the doctor, because you should probably do that.

BRIANNA  
I don’t know what I want to do.

BRIANNA sighs, taking a deep breath, running a hand through her hair.

BRIANNA  
Fuck, I need a drink.

ALISTAIR looks at her, bewildered.

BRIANNA  
What?

ALISTAIR  
Brianna, you are currently with child. You can’t drink.

BRIANNA laughs, nervously trying to skate over the words.

BRIANNA  
Just-- Just once, Al, please, I need a drink.

ALISTAIR  
If you’re going to give birth to a child, you can’t drink, it’s-- It’s not right. Scientifically.

BRIANNA grabs his arm and looks into his eyes, pleadingly, her eyes watering again.

BRIANNA  
Al. Please.

ALISTAIR shakes his head, pushing her shaking hand off of him.

BRIANNA  
Al, please, just get me a drink, I’ll never drink again, I just-- I really need it, please.

ALISTAIR  
No.

BRIANNA  
Please--

ALISTAIR  
I’m not going to do that because I love you.

BRIANNA shakes her head.

BRIANNA  
No, you don’t. If you loved me, you would get me a fucking drink.

ALISTAIR  
No. Bree, you may not like it, but I’m your brother, and I’m not going to let you make any bad decisions while I’m here. 

BRIANNA  
I already made enough bad decisions. Clearly.

She gestures down at her stomach and rolls her eyes, ALISTAIR nervously searching for the right thing to say as she awkwardly laughs again, looking away, pushing herself to get the words out.

BRIANNA  
I mean, it's not like it was my decision, but...

ALISTAIR looks at her, on edge again.

ALISTAIR  
What?

BRIANNA nervously laughs, shrugging and looking away again.

BRIANNA  
Nothing, sorry, that-- That was a joke. A-- A really stupid, bad joke.

ALISTAIR nods, not really believing her, as BRIANNA continues to try and laugh, looking away, blinking rapidly, but then the tears come up again. 

BRIANNA  
Fuck.

She looks away, wiping them as ALISTAIR watches.

ALISTAIR  
Bree, did… Did something... _Happen_ to you?

BRIANNA doesn’t confirm or deny, she just stares in front of her, her hand covering her mouth.

BRIANNA  
I… Fuck.

She moves her hand away from her mouth, breathing faster and faster.

BRIANNA  
I didn’t... I-- I was just feeling so bad about this whole thing and just... I got really drunk and I was wearing this dress that was basically a tea towel, and he kept paying for my drinks and I thought he was being so, so nice for once, because he was really creepy before, but... I guess I was wrong?

She shrugs, laughing again, but then slowly lets it trail off.

BRIANNA  
He just... He kept kissing me and touching me and-- And I told him to stop, but... He didn't? He just... He kept going, and... Then I woke up.

She looks over at ALISTAIR, and coughs awkwardly, continuing on:

BRIANNA  
Um, I don't... The first time I slept with him, I blacked out that night. So... So he might have done it before? I just... I-- I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this, and I just have to keep acting like everything's normal, but it's not, it's so not, and if I tell people, then everything changes, and I-- I can't look at myself without feeling disgusted, I just...

Her voice breaks.

BRIANNA  
I don't feel like I belong to myself anymore? I'm just... I mean, it's not... It's not exactly the first time something like that's happened. I remember... Just some people who wouldn't take no for an answer, so I just gave in eventually. Some people who kissed me without asking if I... And some... I remember when I was, like, twelve, I was in P.E., like, messing around with my friends, and I took my hoodie off because I was warm, and a boy in my class ran up and just... Grabbed my boobs? And-- And then he took his shirt off and began chasing me around the room, and everyone was laughing like it was some joke, but I-- I was so scared? It's like they forgot I was a person.

ALISTAIR nods, looking horrified as BRIANNA keeps crying, her breathing getting quicker and quicker.

ALISTAIR  
Can-- Can I help you? Like, physically?

BRIANNA looks at him for a second, thinking about it, and nods. He sets a hand on her shoulder, breathing slowly in and out, nodding for her to copy him, and she tries to, her breathing slowing - still fast and shaky, but not as fast. ALISTAIR nods, trying to think of the right thing to say again.

ALISTAIR  
This-- None of those things are your fault, Bree, okay? 

BRIANNA shrugs.

BRIANNA  
But-- But wasn't it, though?

ALISTAIR shakes his head and rubs her shoulder, BRIANNA looking at him and wiping her eyes.

BRIANNA  
I-- I was the one who didn't walk away. I was the one who drank too much, I...

ALISTAIR  
You weren't the one who decided to sexually assault someone else.

BRIANNA goes completely still - it's the first time she's heard the words out loud and it finally sinks in for her.

BRIANNA  
I didn’t... I just wanted someone to love me. To look and me and think: "Yeah, I want _that"._

ALISTAIR  
You have done absolutely nothing wrong, Brianna. And-- And want and love aren't the same thing. 

BRIANNA shakes her head, shrugging, laughing slightly.

BRIANNA  
Aren't they? 

ALISTAIR shrugs.

ALISTAIR  
I don't know. You can want someone and love someone and want to love someone or love to want someone, but… kissing and stuff isn't everything.

BRIANNA  
People act like it's everything. 

ALISTAIR  
It’s not.

BRIANNA  
Face it, Al, the world's run by sex.

ALISTAIR shakes his head, and BRIANNA laughs, wiping her eyes again.

BRIANNA  
I-- I mean, look at everything that happens. Just take one look at Instagram and you’ll see what they're selling to kids these days. We have eleven-year-olds dressing like twenty-year-olds because that’s what they’re told and shown is good, and maybe they want to dress like that, and maybe they want to dress like that because they’re told to dress like that, and I don’t know what’s right or wrong, but… I was nine years old the first time I saw a dick. Fucking nine, that's just... That just shouldn't happen. I-- I was on Omegle because I saw this Youtube video of someone going on it and it was funny and I thought it would be fun, but then… There was this man. I don’t know how old he was, but he was a man. I didn’t have a webcam or a microphone, but he messaged me and… I messaged back. I didn’t know what I was doing, I thought it was just a game, and… I kept doing it. And then people in real life started to notice me, and… I lost my virginity to a guy four years older than me. He was seventeen, and now I’m seventeen… The idea of touching a barely thirteen year old like that makes me fucking sick. But… I know if some twenty-five year old came up to me tomorrow and asked me to go out sometime, I would say yes. And I know it’s not good, but when my friends do stuff like that, I support them, because they support me when I do it, and… It feels like they love me. The people who… When I kiss girls, they’re almost always so, so nice, but with guys it’s so… They like to hurt me, and I let them. I guess I like it, but I-- I don’t know. I only know who I am in relation to other people, I just… I don’t fucking know anymore.

She looks over at ALISTAIR, who’s just staring at her, so, so sad for her.

BRIANNA  
I know I’m fucked up--

ALISTAIR  
You’re not. Don't say that, okay? You’re-- You’re a person who needs help, you're a _kid_ , you deserve… Fuck.

He sighs, completely disbelieving as BRIANNA shrugs, used to life.

BRIANNA  
This is just how the world is.

ALISTAIR  
It shouldn’t be.

BRIANNA  
You can’t change it.

ALISTAIR  
I’ll try.

BRIANNA lets out a humourless breath.

ALISTAIR  
I will. No one has any fucking right to do something like this to anyone.

BRIANNA  
Just... What should I do?

ALISTAIR  
I... I don't know, Bree. I... I think you should see a doctor. Tell Audrey. Maybe tell the girls, they might be able to help you. And... If you know who the guy is that did it to you, you should report him.

BRIANNA looks up at him, completely serious.

BRIANNA  
Why would they believe me?

ALISTAIR's mouth opens and closes a few times, not saying anything. BRIANNA nods, letting out a short breath.

BRIANNA  
Yeah. Anyways, I think the thing growing inside of me is more important right now.

ALISTAIR nods, looking more and more awkward.

ALISTAIR  
Okay. Um, I could go get you some tea? Maybe-- Maybe some biscuits or something?

BRIANNA  
Yeah, that would be nice. And could you bring up my meds? I-- I forgot to take them today.

ALISTAIR nods and gets up.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, totally, I got you. Just wait here.

He walks over to the door as BRIANNA takes some more deep breaths, letting herself completely calm down. He turns and looks at her, trying to smile.

ALISTAIR  
You'll be okay, Bree.

BRIANNA shrugs, breathing out a short laugh.

BRIANNA  
Will I?

ALISTAIR nods, walking out the door and closing it behind him, “Will I?” by Rent Original Broadway Cast beginning to play as she takes a deep, deep breath, letting her head hang back. She looks at the cross that hangs over her bed and sighs, looking back down at herself. 

Her phone lights up and buzzes. Messages and likes and things that BRIANNA can't be bothered with right now. She shuts her phone down and turns it to lie face down.

BRIANNA takes a deep and shaky breath, still quite unsteady. She looks back up at the cross above her bed and kneels up, taking it down. She lets it fall down the back of her bed, watching it go, as she blesses herself, quietly beginning:

BRIANNA  
Hail Mary full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

She looks up, just past the camera.

BRIANNA  
Amen.

_CUT TO CREDITS AS THE SONG CONTINUES_

_CUT TO BLACK_


End file.
